On National Goof-off Day, why not try some of these retro goof-off techniques at work?
On National Goof-Off Day, spare a thought for those who didn’t have the internet and therefore had to work harder to goof off.
Here are some tried and tested goof-off techniques that have worked gloriously for bored workers before. Before the internet, that is.
The Dan Draper
9 – 9:30am: Put briefcase on desk, say good morning to everyone, gossip.
9:15: Head to the downstairs coffeeshop.
9:30: Return with a coffee and the Washington Post. Sit at desk and read the paper and drink coffee until
10:30: Roll up the sports section and head for the bathroom. Wander back around 11 and make phone calls until noon.
12:00: At noon, head to the hotel restaurant next door. Have the same thing EVERY DAY. A steak, mashed potatoes, and a caesar salad washed down with three martinis.
1:30: Back at 1:30 and make phone calls, have meetings
5:00: Head for the hotel bar with whoever wanted to come for happy hour.
9 – 9:30am: Arrive at work, get settled, get coffee, gossip
9:30 – 11:30am: Work
11:30 – 11:45am: Cigarette break
11:45am: Start thinking about lunch
12:30pm – 1:30pm: Lunch
1:30 – 2pm: Recover from lunch
2pm – 2:15pm: Cigarette break
4 – 4:30pm: Coffee break. Gossip.
4:30 – 5pm: Start thinking about going home.
5 – 5:15pm: Cigarette break. Start to really think about going home.
5:15-5:30pm: Pack up your shit
Stick staples and bits of paper in the spider webs around your work building and watch the spiders rush excitedly to their fresh meal.
Of course, their tiny hopes are dashed.
Then they’d all get to work removing the items strewn about their webs.
The Phoney Photocopy
Have a book with all kinds of silliness intended to be photocopied or sent via fax.
Copy funny jokes which via typewriter and carbon paper.
Layer a sheet of ridiculously thin paper, carbon paper, another sheet of paper, carbon paper, yet another sheet of paper… and then type those jokes and then pass them on..
You could easily spend several hours “rinsing” a mop in the sink while chatting.
Prepare to see supervisor walked through the room several times, showing increasing levels of confusion.
This is pretty much the number one rule of goofing off – always have something in your hand.
Pick up a stapler, take to one side of the office. Put it down. Pick up some sellotape, and carry that to the other side of the office – chatting to people as you go.
A stack of paper or a clipboard works just as well.
You could have rubber band fights all day.
Inevitably, someone will douse their rubber band with pen ink and mess up your shirt.
Then you can call it chemical warfare.
Rise a plastic tray down a flight of stair and into a wall. You could name it bob sledding.
(It’s even funnier if someone called Bob is doing it.)
Racing rolling chairs or office basketball are well-respected office goof-off sports.
Or you could try chair rowing.
Siobhan is a freelance writer, research addict and lover of twisted history. If you like horrible but amazing history, check out her website www.interesly.com or Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/interesly. Or you can reach her through www.siobhanoshea.com.